Setting Up Special Play Time for Success: Tips for Parents in PCIT

Five minutes sounds easy. Then the dog steals a toy, your phone rings, and your child runs into the next room.

If you’re doing Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), special play time is your daily chance to follow your child’s lead and practice the PRIDE skills: Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, and Enjoy.

How you set up those five minutes matters. I encourage parents to think about preparation as prevention. You’re stacking the deck for success by choosing a good time, putting out appropriate toys, and handling distractions before you sit down.

You can’t prevent every problem. But you can make things easier on both of you.

1. Keep It at the Same Time When Possible

Set aside five minutes each day, following your PCIT therapist’s guidance. Try to make it part of a routine you already have, like after an afternoon snack or before you start getting ready for bed.

Pick a time that works for you, too. If you’re trying to cook dinner or get everyone out the door, it’s going to be hard to give your child your attention.

Before long, your child may be reminding you: “Is it time for special play time?”

And if you miss a day, start again the next day. Keep working at it.

2. Put Out Two or Three Appropriate Toys

You choose which toys are available. Your child decides how to play with them.

Good options include:

• Building toys like Magna-Tiles, LEGO, or Duplo.
• Play-Doh.
• Paper and coloring supplies.
• Dolls and dollhouses.

Look for toys that let your child build, create, and pretend. Choose things that are appropriate for their age and that you’re comfortable letting them use.

That last part matters. If Play-Doh on the carpet is going to have you correcting your child every thirty seconds, sit at a table or pick something else.

Leave board games put away during special play time. Rules, taking turns, and explaining how to play can pull you into directing. Also skip toys that require a lot of limit setting or invite rough and aggressive play.

No Nerf guns. I always tell parents, “You’re not going to praise your kid for pistol-whipping you.”

Choose toys that give you plenty of things you can praise. Building something, handling a doll gently, or sharing a piece with you gives you an opening to use your skills.

3. Think About Where You Play—and Where You Sit

If your child tends to run around or leave to get other toys, look at the setup first.

A table may help keep the play in one place. Playing in your child’s room can work, too, especially if you put away distracting toys beforehand.

Sit close enough to join the activity. If there’s a particular toy your child keeps leaving to get, put it away or consider positioning yourself between the play activity and that toy. Your child should still be able to move freely; you’re making the activity easier to stay with.

Prevention is key here. It’s easier to move a tempting toy before you start than to spend your five minutes trying to talk your child out of getting it.

If your child keeps leaving, write it down. Your PCIT therapist can help you think through the setup and practice what to do.

4. Set Aside Distractions

Turn the TV off. Put your phone away.

If the dog is going to drop a tennis ball in your lap or steal the Play-Doh, give them a comfortable spot in another room for a few minutes.

Plan for siblings, too. An activity of their own or help from another adult can give you a better chance of having five minutes with just this child.

These are small things, but they make a difference. Get them settled before you begin so you can pay attention to the play.

5. Remember Ignoring and Positive Opposites

Even with a good setup, some minor misbehavior will happen. Use the selective ignoring skills you’ve practiced with your therapist for the safe, minor behaviors they’ve helped you identify.

That means holding back the comments, corrections, and looks you might usually give. Keep calmly playing with the materials while you watch for an appropriate behavior to notice.

Then catch it.

The positive opposite is what you want your child to do instead of the problem behavior. Give that behavior your attention and a specific praise:

• When whining changes to a regular voice: “I like how you’re using your regular voice.”
• When rough play becomes gentle: “You’re being so gentle with the doll.”
• When grabbing changes to sharing: “Thank you for sharing those blocks with me.”

You can model the positive opposite, too. Handle your toys gently. Use a calm voice. Show it through your own play without giving a speech about it.

As soon as your child does something appropriate, bring your attention back to them and return to your PRIDE skills. You don’t need to wait for the rest of the play time to go perfectly.

6. Let Your Child Feel Your Enjoyment

Sometimes parents work so hard to remember the skills that they look like they’re taking an exam.

Take a breath. Smile. Join the play.

Tell your child:

“I’m having fun playing with you.”

“I love spending this time together.”

How you say something matters just as much as what you say. “I’m having fun” in a flat voice while you look at the clock probably won’t feel very convincing.

I encourage parents to light up like the Fourth of July, like a Christmas tree, like a menorah. We want kids to feel their parents’ enthusiasm for the play. Let it show in your face and your voice.

Get interested in the tower. Go along with the dollhouse story, even if the baby is driving and everyone is eating pizza for breakfast.

Sometimes we’re faking it till we make it. You might be tired. You might not be excited about building another LEGO house. Start by putting some warmth and energy into it, and give yourself a chance to get involved.

Your child gets five minutes with a parent who is showing them, “I like being here with you.” That’s worth practicing.

7. Log Your Practice and Write Down Questions

When you finish, fill out the daily practice log your therapist gave you. It’s easier to remember what happened right afterward than to reconstruct the whole week before your appointment.

Be honest about how it went. Include the difficult days and the missed days. That helps your therapist understand what’s getting in the way.

Write down your questions, too. Maybe your child kept leaving the table. Maybe you weren’t sure whether to ignore something, or you couldn’t think of a positive opposite to praise.

Bring those questions and your log to your next session. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

And when the same problem keeps happening, take another look at what happens before play starts. Would a different time help? Fewer toys? A table instead of the floor?

A little preparation can give you more room to enjoy your child. Stack the deck, sit down, and practice.

Written by Jeff LaPonsie, LMSW-C, Certified PCIT Therapist and Within Agency Trainer at Kalamazoo Child & Family Counseling.